On Fatherhood

No, I'm not trying to announce anything.

I am not going to be a father. Not yet at least.

However, the thought of fatherhood is a subject that I am always willing to discuss. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I love kids, and that unlike a lot of guys, am very eager to one day become a father.

But I often wonder what kind of father I would be.

Would I be like my maternal grandfather; stern, distant, and the disciplinarian of the family.

Or maybe like my paternal grandfather; stern, wise and always willing to listen to anything that another family member has to say.

Or will I be the kind of father that my own dad is; stern, sometimes wacky, and as loyal as a pitbull.

Something tells me that I'll be stern. Any doubts there?

I look upon my three years as a camp counselor to shed some light on the answer to this question.

For eight weeks, those 10-20 kids are my life. From the hours of 8 to 5, keeping them safe and happy is my primary concern. I have a high tolerance for bullshit, but at the same time can be either firm or kind when the situation arises. The bad kids hated me and the good kids loved me.

If I had to yell at them everyday, chances are that kid kid wasn't a fan of mine.

But my patience with these children was uncompromised. Much like my own father, once my tolerance for something is reached, I'm not going to hold back. However, until that point, I'm as gentle as a lamb. And anyone who worked with me this past summer, with my group of sixteen psychopathic kids, will attest to that.

But back to the real question at hand.

I watched the film Big Fish last night, and I have to admit that I was enthralled by the stories that the father weaved for his son. I think that I would be good at that kind of stuff. I'm creative. I'm fun.

I want to be the kind of father that never says no when his child asks him to go outside and play. I'll always push them higher on the swings, or throw a ball around for hours.

I want to be the kind of father that their child can come to with any little problem, but that child also has been taught what problems need parental interference and which do not.

I want my daughter(s) to be daddy's little girl. I want my son(s) to look at me as their hero.

I want my father to visit years from now, and in a moment of downtime, be able to say to me, in all sincerity, "Bryan, you are a wonderful father."