Lies

Here's some truths about lies:

-People who tell you that they enjoy giving presents rather than receiving them are lying. Blatantly.

-If a girl tells you that she loves performing oral sex, but doesn't mind that you don't reciprocate, she lying. Badly.

- Diet Dr. Pepper tastes nothing like regular Dr. Pepper.

-There is no Santa or Easter Bunny. However, there is a Tooth Fairy. His name is Evan, and he lives in Queens.

-Receiving packages in the mail is infinitely better than sending one.

- No one would bring books with them if they had to be stranded on a desert island. What would they bring? I have no idea, but it sure as hell wouldn't be the complete works of Jules Verne.

And it's not just people in everyday life either. The movies lie to you all the time.

Examples:

-Big Daddy: Styx is not the greatest American rock band, nor did they catch a bad rep because most critics are cynical assholes. The fact of the matter is, they're Styx, and they suck.

- A Bronx Tale: the worst thing in life is not wasted talent. There's any number of things that are worse. Off the top of my head, I can think of the following:

1. Being locked in a room with a pair of angry badgers.
2. Slamming your balls in a car door (I'm sure it's possible).
3. Witnessing your grandparents having sex.

- Alvin and the Chipmunks: Much as I want to believe it, chipmunks can't talk.

Fact.

And furthermore, they cannot sing either.