The Alter Ego In ME.

In my younger and impressionable years, I always told people that I really felt like I was two people. There was Bryan, and there was Haas.

True, together that is my name. But I always thought that there was a real distinction between the two.

I always thought of Bryan as the all encompassing me. The normal person that you'd see day to day, moment to moment. He was no one really, just another cog in the machine.

Haas was the popular one. The one that came out in weaker moments, maybe ones of drunken influence, or other mind-altering ways. People liked this persona. He was fun, had confidence, a mean streak. He was someone that I thought I wanted to be.

He was an asshole. And he's gone.

Now in this present time, I still see two versions of myself. Only now I look at it slightly differently.

Anyone that knows anything about me knows of my passion for writing.And it is my dream of dreams to write the great American novel.

A lofty goal to be sure, but one that I still hope to attain. And I have always said that if and when that happens, I would use a pen name. I just always thought that was a cool way to go. Almost like the alter ego that I was referring to.

Who would Samuel Clemens be without Mark Twain? Theodor Geisel without Dr. Seuss? Horror master Stephen King wrote as Richard Bachman.

Hell, even the master of alter egos comic pioneer Stan Lee was born Stanley Martin Lieber.

So I decided roughly two years ago that my name would become Andrew James.

That has remained a secret until this writing. No one has ever heard that name spoken aloud or written before in reference to my goals. The person to read this post first will be only the second person to know.

Inspiration is hard to come by, anyone that has written anything can tell you that. Whether it's a term paper or an epic piece of literature, any writer that tells you that they've never been faced with a lack of material is lying to you.

Just like any woman that tells you that she can climax with a man on top.

Lies.

The point is, that as someone else, you can be free of all of the things that burden you. Bryan Haas may have his hang-ups, trials and tribulations.

But Andrew James is a blank canvas. He can be anything he wants.

It sounds childish, and maybe it is. But I choose to believe it. And if you think about it enough, it just might makes sense to you too.