Here's to Creepy Friends

For someone who has a limited tolerance for bullshit, I certainly have made a life of having strange friends.

And right now, I'm less than occupied, so let's run through a few, shall we.

(Note: I will be changing their names. Badly.)

1. Peebo: 24 years young. Mr. Drew Peebo is perhaps the creepiest human ever born on Earth. This is the guy who once asked a girl out by asking her if she wanted to "party like a rock star."

-The same guy, who in the heat of the moment, pointed out that his hand, perched upon a girl's thigh, was "dangerously close to her vagina."

-The same guy who, huddled in the corner of the aptly named FunZone, once told a small group of people that he was exhibiting signs of both herpes and HIV (thankfully, he has neither).

- Oh, and he has a blowout like a teenage guido. Only he's a goofy Jewish guy.

2. Tipp: Age 26. Andy Tipp's only kiss from a girl came when I insisted that a former girlfriend of mine give him a kiss goodbye as we were leaving the mall. What occured next was somewhere in between a train wreck and a tsunami. Anyone who witnessed it, which consisted of me and three old men (One of whom was heard to say "Oh sweet Jesus!"), will be forever changed.

-this is the same guy who chased his prom date up her front walkway in pursuit of a kiss, only to have the door slammed in his face. Rather than give up, because the girl clearly wanted him, he continued to court (stalk) her, even bringing her a tub of aloe vera gel when she told him that she had a sunburn.

Oh, did I mention that this happened at 3 a.m., while he was wearing a bathing suit and insisting that they go to the beach.

No? Well it did.

3. Matt Boogler, 26 years on Earth.
-other than stripping in front of me and diving into the ocean at 5 a.m. on prom night, Matt's had a relatively tame life....until recently.

- as a graduate assistant at an Ivy League university, Matt gets all the top notch gals. Not. His first sexual experience was characterized as "rolling around naked a bit."

- his current girlfriend is a 17 year old high school senior. I'm not going on.

Could I embarass more of my friends? Yes

Do I want to? Yes.

But there's days worth of material there, so y'all will just have to wait.